I'm going to tell you a boring story about a boring family outing to a nothing water park.
Just kidding, it's me. I almost died.
It was the summer of 1993 in Buford, GA. I was 9 years old, and we had usually gone to Six Flags of Georgia in the summer, but in 1993, they had built a water park closer to home and we decided to go do that. Even I was amped about not having to be stuck in traffic and getting go down water slides. I can't swim, but that didn't turn out to be the issue. We didn't go down a water slide that had a super deep pool.
I may have even actually had fun that day, but I can only remember the trauma.
Okay, that might be a little dramatic, but I almost died.
So, there was this one water slide that had rafts. It was enclosed and you had to wait your turn to go down.
So you know how water parks wait until some one is completely out of the water slide before letting the next person on? That rule might because of me.
When I got to the end of the slide, my raft decided it wanted to race me and it disappeared. I landed in the pool without the raft, and the bottom was really slippery. It was a 3' pool, and when I was nine I was 4'6", so this should not have been risky as it was. I struggled to stand because of the slippery bottom.
But I finally did it! Just for the person who was in the tube to come out and land on my head.
Yes, my head has been through a lot. Let's focus on the near drowning.
So, after my struggle, and my fleeting moment of victory being crushed by a person on my head, I sat at the bottom of that pool thinking, "You know what, I've lived a good life and this is how it ends." I did not bother trying to resurface.
Unbeknownst to me, they had shut down the water slide and had been waiting for the guy who landed on my head to come out so they could come in and get me. And they did. But I was totally at peace with meeting my maker just then, which sucks because the 90s had just become the 90s. Boy Meets World was going to air that September and I would have missed out.
So, this story has a footnote. I lived in Buford, GA in atrailer park mobile home community on Friendship Road. They recently renamed the part of Friendship Road I had lived off of to....
Lanier Islands Parkway.
Fuck you, whoever decided to ruin my childhood by naming my beloved road after the place I almost died as a child. I mean, I guess it's not unique. I almost died a lot. But I'm pretty sure it's the only time I almost died at an amusement park. If you don't count the carnival where my restraint in a ride gave out when we flipped upside down... but that was somehow less scary than what I went through at Lake Lanier Islands in 1993.
Also, I'm not blaming Lake Lanier Islands for what happened. I would hate for them to find out I have this 25+ year old grudge and sue me for defamation or something. These are how I remember the events and it was a pretty traumatic experience for a 9 year old. Is that fair?
Oh, I just did a Google search, and the water park is a Margaritaville now. I'm definitely going back the next time I'm in Georgia. It's how I'm choosing to finally heal from these events. I will not be on any water slides because for some reason, I am terrified of water. But I will still find a way to find closure at Margaritaville at Lanier Islands.
Just kidding, it's me. I almost died.
It was the summer of 1993 in Buford, GA. I was 9 years old, and we had usually gone to Six Flags of Georgia in the summer, but in 1993, they had built a water park closer to home and we decided to go do that. Even I was amped about not having to be stuck in traffic and getting go down water slides. I can't swim, but that didn't turn out to be the issue. We didn't go down a water slide that had a super deep pool.
I may have even actually had fun that day, but I can only remember the trauma.
Okay, that might be a little dramatic, but I almost died.
So, there was this one water slide that had rafts. It was enclosed and you had to wait your turn to go down.
So you know how water parks wait until some one is completely out of the water slide before letting the next person on? That rule might because of me.
When I got to the end of the slide, my raft decided it wanted to race me and it disappeared. I landed in the pool without the raft, and the bottom was really slippery. It was a 3' pool, and when I was nine I was 4'6", so this should not have been risky as it was. I struggled to stand because of the slippery bottom.
But I finally did it! Just for the person who was in the tube to come out and land on my head.
Yes, my head has been through a lot. Let's focus on the near drowning.
So, after my struggle, and my fleeting moment of victory being crushed by a person on my head, I sat at the bottom of that pool thinking, "You know what, I've lived a good life and this is how it ends." I did not bother trying to resurface.
Unbeknownst to me, they had shut down the water slide and had been waiting for the guy who landed on my head to come out so they could come in and get me. And they did. But I was totally at peace with meeting my maker just then, which sucks because the 90s had just become the 90s. Boy Meets World was going to air that September and I would have missed out.
So, this story has a footnote. I lived in Buford, GA in a
Lanier Islands Parkway.
Fuck you, whoever decided to ruin my childhood by naming my beloved road after the place I almost died as a child. I mean, I guess it's not unique. I almost died a lot. But I'm pretty sure it's the only time I almost died at an amusement park. If you don't count the carnival where my restraint in a ride gave out when we flipped upside down... but that was somehow less scary than what I went through at Lake Lanier Islands in 1993.
Also, I'm not blaming Lake Lanier Islands for what happened. I would hate for them to find out I have this 25+ year old grudge and sue me for defamation or something. These are how I remember the events and it was a pretty traumatic experience for a 9 year old. Is that fair?
Oh, I just did a Google search, and the water park is a Margaritaville now. I'm definitely going back the next time I'm in Georgia. It's how I'm choosing to finally heal from these events. I will not be on any water slides because for some reason, I am terrified of water. But I will still find a way to find closure at Margaritaville at Lanier Islands.
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