It's amazing my parents had three kids after having me. My brother is one year and nine and half months younger than me, which means my parents must've felt pretty invincible after keeping me alive for a year. I didn't cry on airplanes, but I tried to die a lot.
Apparently, one time I decided to abandon my family in a Sears.
Sears, these days, are pretty freaking depressing. In 1985 Kentucky, it was the place my parents paid their car insurance, got oil changes, and apparently denied me one too many toys.
Now, there's an allegedly in the title because it was a Sears in the 1980s. My parents may have been a little more on edge than they needed to be, or they could be absolutely correct. Either way, I was one and a half and I take no blame for this incident.
I think my parents were doing that thing where they were handling their car insurance, and I was in a stroller. However, there had been a display with Big Bird, and I was a hardcore Big Bird fan, so I wanted one. My parents, being responsible adults, gave no shits.
And I, who I'm 90% sure was born believing she knew everything, decided to get out of my stroller and hang out with Big Bird.
It apparently took my parents a second to notice that I had done that. When they found me, they also found someone following me. Some people I have related this story to says maybe the guy was going to give me to a security guard, but I tend to side with my parents on this one because it was a Sears in the 1980s - I was about to go home with someone nefarious.
My parents did retrieve me, but at that moment, they did not want to further upset or scare me, and they didn't want me to run off again. They bought me a Baby Big Bird, because of course Sears was sold out of the Big Bird on display.
I had that Baby Big Bird for nearly 25 years, until someone I trusted made me put it in a storage unit, and then they stopped paying for the storage unit without telling me. I kind of hold a grudge about everything I lost in Storagegate 2008, but my "please don't get kidnapped" present was a treasured possession and one I miss dearly.
Apparently, one time I decided to abandon my family in a Sears.
Sears, these days, are pretty freaking depressing. In 1985 Kentucky, it was the place my parents paid their car insurance, got oil changes, and apparently denied me one too many toys.
Now, there's an allegedly in the title because it was a Sears in the 1980s. My parents may have been a little more on edge than they needed to be, or they could be absolutely correct. Either way, I was one and a half and I take no blame for this incident.
I think my parents were doing that thing where they were handling their car insurance, and I was in a stroller. However, there had been a display with Big Bird, and I was a hardcore Big Bird fan, so I wanted one. My parents, being responsible adults, gave no shits.
And I, who I'm 90% sure was born believing she knew everything, decided to get out of my stroller and hang out with Big Bird.
It apparently took my parents a second to notice that I had done that. When they found me, they also found someone following me. Some people I have related this story to says maybe the guy was going to give me to a security guard, but I tend to side with my parents on this one because it was a Sears in the 1980s - I was about to go home with someone nefarious.
My parents did retrieve me, but at that moment, they did not want to further upset or scare me, and they didn't want me to run off again. They bought me a Baby Big Bird, because of course Sears was sold out of the Big Bird on display.
I had that Baby Big Bird for nearly 25 years, until someone I trusted made me put it in a storage unit, and then they stopped paying for the storage unit without telling me. I kind of hold a grudge about everything I lost in Storagegate 2008, but my "please don't get kidnapped" present was a treasured possession and one I miss dearly.
Comments
Post a Comment