Children who grow up challenging Darwin do not grow up to be graceful adults. Case in point, in 2017, I got a concussion from my car trunk.
This was not even the first time I fought a car trunk and lost. Way back in 1988, when I was about four and a half, my forehead was accidentally shut in a car trunk. The person who shut the trunk did not realize I was standing next to it, nor did they realize I was exactly the right height for that to be a problem. I slept it off at Grandma's. It was fine. I barely remember it, and the only reason I know it really happened is because when I got my first car at age 20, my mom got really nervous when I was showing off the trunk.
But in 2017, I was a bit taller than I was in 1988. I mean, barely. I was a very tall child, but I stopped growing at 11. I also didn't have anyone else controlling the trunk. So, one may wonder how it is that a trunk managed to attack me a second time in my life at all.
The damn Santa Anas. They're a fucking nuisance.
Anyway, I had gone grocery shopping and while I was getting the bags out of my trunk, the winds blew the trunk down on my head.
Sidebar, I keep my groceries in the cabin of my car now. I joke about challenging Darwin, but I do adapt and learn.
Kind of.
So, I knew I was 37 kinds of messed up, so I went to urgent care. I now know why that was wrong, but it was $30 vs. $100. It's kind of like taking an Uber instead of an ambulance to the ER. It's not the right choice, but it is fiscally sound. Anyway, urgent care told me I was concussed but gave me a triage form because I needed to go to the ER to make sure I wasn't internally bleeding.
I kind of jumped to the end of the urgent care saga because there's just no fun way to describe waiting in a waiting room for two hours with a concussion.
Triage form in hand, I decided that I was tired and I didn't want to wait in another waiting room. Also, at this point, I was hungry. So I went to Taco Bell and then went home and took a nap.
I had two trains of thought on this one. The first train of thought was, if a head injury was going to do me in, it probably would have already. It's easier to name times I haven't bonked my head, really. I literally had my head injured by a car trunk twice. The second train of thought was, I'm probably going to die from a head injury. Who am I to choose which one? Just let nature take it's course.
Anyway, as you can tell, my car trunk concussion didn't kill me. Many of my loved ones are super pissed at how I handled the situation, but waiting rooms elevate my blood pressure. I have scientific evidence of this - it's my blood pressure readings when I have an appointment and get to go back right away vs. my blood pressure readings when I have to wait in a waiting room. I was concusssed. I didn't need hypertension, too.
But next time I have a head injury, I'll just go to the emergency room since apparently that's the right answer. I have an FSA now for exactly that reason.
This was not even the first time I fought a car trunk and lost. Way back in 1988, when I was about four and a half, my forehead was accidentally shut in a car trunk. The person who shut the trunk did not realize I was standing next to it, nor did they realize I was exactly the right height for that to be a problem. I slept it off at Grandma's. It was fine. I barely remember it, and the only reason I know it really happened is because when I got my first car at age 20, my mom got really nervous when I was showing off the trunk.
But in 2017, I was a bit taller than I was in 1988. I mean, barely. I was a very tall child, but I stopped growing at 11. I also didn't have anyone else controlling the trunk. So, one may wonder how it is that a trunk managed to attack me a second time in my life at all.
The damn Santa Anas. They're a fucking nuisance.
Anyway, I had gone grocery shopping and while I was getting the bags out of my trunk, the winds blew the trunk down on my head.
Sidebar, I keep my groceries in the cabin of my car now. I joke about challenging Darwin, but I do adapt and learn.
Kind of.
So, I knew I was 37 kinds of messed up, so I went to urgent care. I now know why that was wrong, but it was $30 vs. $100. It's kind of like taking an Uber instead of an ambulance to the ER. It's not the right choice, but it is fiscally sound. Anyway, urgent care told me I was concussed but gave me a triage form because I needed to go to the ER to make sure I wasn't internally bleeding.
I kind of jumped to the end of the urgent care saga because there's just no fun way to describe waiting in a waiting room for two hours with a concussion.
Triage form in hand, I decided that I was tired and I didn't want to wait in another waiting room. Also, at this point, I was hungry. So I went to Taco Bell and then went home and took a nap.
I had two trains of thought on this one. The first train of thought was, if a head injury was going to do me in, it probably would have already. It's easier to name times I haven't bonked my head, really. I literally had my head injured by a car trunk twice. The second train of thought was, I'm probably going to die from a head injury. Who am I to choose which one? Just let nature take it's course.
Anyway, as you can tell, my car trunk concussion didn't kill me. Many of my loved ones are super pissed at how I handled the situation, but waiting rooms elevate my blood pressure. I have scientific evidence of this - it's my blood pressure readings when I have an appointment and get to go back right away vs. my blood pressure readings when I have to wait in a waiting room. I was concusssed. I didn't need hypertension, too.
But next time I have a head injury, I'll just go to the emergency room since apparently that's the right answer. I have an FSA now for exactly that reason.
Comments
Post a Comment